Actually why would he bother bending over when he could just use his foot? He could get his feet washed at the same time!

And you gotta think about the papercuts. These special Bibles are fucking folks up left and right, but the MSM refuses to talk about it.

Dang, I was going to be all heroic and say "fret not, generalized bulletproof book covers exist!"

But they don't, that I can find, and I am perplexed by that.

(if you were poor and went to public school) try to remember the paper shopping bag school book cover technique and just substitute Kevlar.